Monday, June 18, 2012

Wandering Thoughts

Today someone said that I was trying to "find" myself. Normally I don't listen to much of what other people say, it's my nature I suppose, I'm a talker, not a listener. However, this little tidbit reached me & I've spent the rest of the day thinking about the fact that someone figured out what's been going on with me for the past year of my life. I'm trying to find out who I am now that I've reached the middle.

Last year, I felt the big 4-0 approaching & I made some mistakes trying to be something I could never be. I'm a conservative person, liberal in my politics but no where else. Trying to be anything aside from who I fundamentally am was a bad decision, & it ended up making me sad. I'm someone's wife & the mother of 2 boys. That can't change so whatever else I do, those 2 things are going to have to be a part of it.

My decision to become a blogger was not a mistake. Blogging is a terrific outlet for me & fits nicely into my life. The Facebooking & tweeting, & journaling before that, was a less organized form of the blogs I do these days. I love to write & even if I'm not the best at it, people are reading it & that's all I've ever wanted. Thanks. You could say I've found myself in one sense, but I'm still looking so there must be more.

Now, out of the blue, has come the idea to get some chickens. I need more to do outside & after reading about urban farming, checking city ordinances & costs to build coops, I think this can succeed. The plan now is to find out if I'm a farmer too. My friends probably think I've finally lost it, or this is another manic episode, but no. This is genius & best of all, urban farming can include my husband & sons for a change. Not to mention it's all going to be blogged about on Urban Farming with Eva ELisabeth.

What I'm saying is that my friend was right, I am trying to find myself. Hopefully soon I'll stop finding new things because, wife, mom, blogger & farmer sounds like enough for one person. Of course I do still want to make a few more videos for youtube...add filmmaker to the list I guess. Wow.